Disappointment is good for you

Today, as I was working out at the gym, I was thinking about dating again (though, I don't think I'm ready to get into anything serious so why bother?). There are a couple of people who I'd been interested in seeing (on a romantic level). One of my issues that have prevented this in the past is my weight (and my appearance with this particular weight). Since that was the final piece of my getting my act together puzzle, I thought I may be getting to where I am definitely ready to start looking, again. I didn't want to be a broke boyfriend, so that's part of the reason I've kinda strayed from it.
I was feeling good because worked out with my friend Joseph (who used to be a personal trainer) and went hiking with him, yesterday. Today, I worked out with him again and did about a five mile run through a hilly part of tempe when it was 110 degrees out (well, I had to stop at certain points because I wanted to kill myself). When I finally get myself motived, I don't mess around. I like to defy fat people stereotypes.
Anyway, I was having a conversation with a friend on facebook when I remembered someone in whom I'd shown interest. I decided to look at said person's facebook page. And there it was, like a surprise you don't want. "In a relationship with......" I was so upset that I sent a message to said person, who didn't quite get what I meant, right away. I ended up spelling it out. I think he could tell from my tone that I was upset and told me to call him (which was really sweet if you think about it). I decided against doing that. After a little bit of think (seriously, like two minutes), I realized it's probably better that way. I have a lot of things in my past that I really am glad I don't have to share with him. My skanky past doesn't need to be revealed to him and I would really rather this particular person saw in me in a positive light. That and the fact that his ex-is a "friend" of mine. Dating him would look really bad. I ended up telling him that I was glad he found someone who makes him happy and left it at that.
Anyway, even though I was disappointed, I got over it pretty quickly. I guess that's the great thing about faith, you give it to God and forget about it. Maybe it's a sign that now is not the time, maybe something better will come along. Maybe I need to stay single (indefinitely?). I don't know what's ahead, but things are looking up so I'm going to stay motivated to work out and lose this 55 pounds I'd like to see go the way of popped collars.

I should be doing this more often.

It just occurred to me, as I sat down to write this, that when I do my blog I found motivation to exercise. What do I talk about so much? Being fat and how much I'd rather be in shape. I guess sitting down to write about it makes me face it instead of just bitching about it. I have to deal with it. I have to notice what is bothering me acknowledge that it's not going to fix itself.

Enough about that.

Life is improving. Realizing that my creditors aren't as patient I would like them to be, I'm thinking bankruptcy. I really didn't want to do it because I wanted to honor my obligations, but my creditors aren't that patient. The difficult thing about that, is I have to wait until I can afford lawyer to tell my creditors I can't afford to pay them. If you know a good bankruptcy attorney who is fairly reasonable, let me know.

What else, I'm hanging out with Leslie quite a bit. I guess it just isn't coincidence that she has a friend who lives a block from where I work. I guess she's someone who is meant to be a part of my life. I stay out of trouble around her. She's awesome too. I'm very grateful to have her as friend. I can be very candid with her. I'm also glad to know her business partner, Rhonda, because she's also become a good friend. I feel like they're two guy friends I can trust with a lot stuff.

I'm very happy to be surrounded by them and have a feeling I'll be around them quite a bit, going forward.