Friday, March 13, 2009

Lisa and Nora

I came across this when looking up stuff on Lisa Moretti (aka Tina Ferrari aka Ivory, etc). I saw this and laughed, and then I'd laugh again sporadically afterward. She really gets her point across.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

My Butt Smells Like Magic Mango

I have this thing about when I go to the restroom, I wipe until the paper is white (or whatever the color of the paper). About two-three years ago, Gary got me using wipes. He said it was because he was "sensitive." I noticed when I use them, I was cleaner a lot faster. I took on this use of wet wipes instead of toilet paper, with the exception of the final wipe. Anyway, I had to go the restroom while I was at work today and had run out of the stash I keep in my desk. Since Big Lots is right across the street, I figured they would have the same thing as the drugstore, but cheaper.
They did have some cheap-o brand that I was afraid would be the same as using my finger, so I decided on the Kandoos. Kandoo is a toilet-paper-like wipe made by Huggies, but I guess it's supposed to be for kids that don't wear diapers anymore or something. Anyway, while I was trying to get the damn things open (which apparently requires a trade certificate), I noticed they were scented. Pictures of melons and island-y fruit. I finally get the adhesive seal removed. "Magic Melon." My ass smells like Magic Melon. What the hell is that. What is so magical about this melon? Does is vaporize klingons? Is it magically delicious? I don't know about anyone else, but expect my.....but the only scent lower extremity (which really isn't a lower extremity if you think about it) should have is ASS SCENT.

Thank you.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

What a great day!

Yesterday, I went to help Selma (an older lady with whom I work) with some stuff at her house. Since I was going to be doing some work for her, she wanted to take me to lunch at Blanco. Blanco is a Mexican restaurant at the Borgata in Scottsdale. It's a really cool place with a very relaxed ambiance. The food was really good. Serious. On top of the food being awesome I was kinda hot for our server (his name is James), he's my babydaddy. I love me a beefy man and he was that. Back to the food, we had the nachos for an appetizer and for the entree, I had the carne asada tacos and Selma had chicken enchiladas. The enchilada sauce was pretty similar to La Canasta. In other words, it was pretty damn good. The best part was the tres leches cake. It was the best tres leches I've EVER had. Dear Lord, it was good. Selma said it's best dessert she'd ever had that wasn't chocolate. James (our server) even let me try the mix the make for margaritas (which is made from fresh squeezed lime and orange...mmmmm). I'm still thinking about our server.
After I left Selma's, I met Ruben and Doug at Cherry. Ruben had been drinking and I went there to make sure he had a ride to wherever he needed to go, but someone picked him up. I hung out for a little bit and chatted with Doug. As I was leaving, two women asked me where there was a lesbian bar. I set them to Cash Inn Country. They invited me to come along and I did. There were REALLY cool and a lot of fun. One of the women was a lesbian and the other was like her niece and was straight. I country dance (somewhat effectively) and met a few new people. I ended up finding out the mother of the younger of the two women was dying from cancer and this was their night out as a way to take a break from everything. I also ran into a girl from the Hellraisers and she hung out with us as well.
Later Alma came to get me and we went to BS West. I don't remember of it.
She also made sure I didn't drive home that night, for which I am VERY grateful. I'm still thinking about James......