I have this thing about when I go to the restroom, I wipe until the paper is white (or whatever the color of the paper). About two-three years ago, Gary got me using wipes. He said it was because he was "sensitive." I noticed when I use them, I was cleaner a lot faster. I took on this use of wet wipes instead of toilet paper, with the exception of the final wipe. Anyway, I had to go the restroom while I was at work today and had run out of the stash I keep in my desk. Since Big Lots is right across the street, I figured they would have the same thing as the drugstore, but cheaper.
They did have some cheap-o brand that I was afraid would be the same as using my finger, so I decided on the Kandoos. Kandoo is a toilet-paper-like wipe made by Huggies, but I guess it's supposed to be for kids that don't wear diapers anymore or something. Anyway, while I was trying to get the damn things open (which apparently requires a trade certificate), I noticed they were scented. Pictures of melons and island-y fruit. I finally get the adhesive seal removed. "Magic Melon." My ass smells like Magic Melon. What the hell is that. What is so magical about this melon? Does is vaporize klingons? Is it magically delicious? I don't know about anyone else, but expect my.....but the only scent lower extremity (which really isn't a lower extremity if you think about it) should have is ASS SCENT.