Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Last Saturday's Game

Last Saturday was our game against Thunderbird. The ball is just behind one of my feet. The next one is me making my first tackle in the game, I'm in white. The first one is us winning a scrum. This last picture is from a ruck, that's me on the ground trying to keep the ball on our side.
What really sucked was that they had this Samoan family on their team that isn't part of their team. They actually play for a team in Gilbert, which is a few divisions above us.
Maybe next time they'll bring their own players.

Later at the drink up, I decided I'd have my first drink in about a week and a half. Normally, I drink light beer, if I can be convinced to drink it. I saw someone brought Stella and decided to have a drink. It ended up making me feel really gross. I told Tony I was feeling like I was going to have to throw up. He said I should just get it over with. I did, except it couldn't just be a little bit of vomit. It was like, projectile. Three times. (I'd once heard that sometimes when vomiting, people can release on the back end, too and crap their pants, this made me a little weary.).
I did feel better after that.
Later a few of us were sitting around talking and this guy who has had some drama with me decided it was a good time to tell everyone I'd slept with his boyfriend (incidently, the guy that was his boyfriend told me they weren't together when I did, when I did find out they were together I stopped talking to him). I responded by telling him that he knows what he got with his boyfriend and that if he hasn't figured it out by now it's his own problem.

Later we went to Mary Coyle's for ice cream. Ruben told me that I didn't hear what he told the guy. He said that he was pissed of that the guy said that in front of everyone trying to make me look bad. Anyway, I'd gotten up to use the restroom and Ruben told him, and I quote as closely as I can, "Uh, *said person* slept with half the team," and he went on to mention that he needs to get off my back. He also told me that it got very uncomfortable within the group after that.

I'd already considered Ruben to be a good friend, but this really solidifies it.

I did tell Ruben however, that I knew they all knew the story and that I really didn't care what the guy said or thought about me. If he wants to be stupid and stay with someone who is probably screwing around on him as we speak, it's his own stupid fault.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

So I Prayed About It

This last week, while at church, there was a guest pastor was introduced as an ex-homosexual who is now married and has nine kids. I forgot the term they used, but it was along the lines of "cured" or recovered. This sent me into an internal conflict I haven't seen since I was 18 years old and came out to my mother. I felt heaviness on my and asked God to tell me what is right and what is not.

He answered.

He helped me realize that I wasn't afraid of what how he felt toward me, but how THEY felt toward me. The people at my church don't know, yet, that I am gay and I am thinking I should follow suit with my friend Shane and go to a church where I am not afraid to tell people I am gay.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Loneliness of Recovery

This weekend I spent a lot of time with my mom. She was looking for a dress for my brother's wedding. She had a particular blue in mind. Incidently, she ended up buying the first one she found when I went with her the week before. Yes, I'm my mother's stylist. Shut up.
I've been trying to spend as much time as I can at home on the weekends, at least at night. I want to make sure I steer clear of any situation that would tempt me to drink when I am driving myself anywhere. The more I'm around my mom, the less inclined I am to go drinking.
Saturday, I had the car wash to do for the Storm and was planning on going to Nikki's party for her baby. When I got home, I found out my mother was planning to go get the dress she liked. I told her I'd rather she didn't drive herself, especiall since she had taken her pain medication. I had to cancel on Nikki. I figured, maybe we'll get done early enough that I can go meet the guys from my rugby team at the Fair (they had plans to go that night).
We went and got the dress for my mom and then she wanted to see if she found any shoes she liked. She didn't. Then she reminded me that she was making menudo and still needed to get the stuff to make it. So much for the fair. I ended up getting home at 9:30.
Lately, I've been trying to find people who will go running with me. I realized Tod spends a lot of time with his parents, who also live in Laveen. I text him to tell him if he ever wants to go running and he is in the area, to give me a call. He then decides to call me and tell me they are all still at the fair. Suddenly, I felt very alone. I really wanted to be out with my friends having fun. I wished at least one of them would have come over to hang out. I know I have Jesus and all and that I'm never really alone, but I would have really liked to have someone around. I could have met someone out and gone drinking, but I didn't want to do that. Every so often I do feel lonely, like when I'm going to bed, but this was different. That feeling that what I'm going through, I'm having to go through alone.
Anyway, I ended up coming home on after choir practice on Sunday and had the exact same feeling. Everyone was already in bed and only the kitchen lights were on.

I just didn't want to feel that way.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Don't Take Me There

Last night I had a couple interesting things happen. On the way home, I had to stop by the yerberia (herb store for mexicans and overly-optimistic non-mexicans). I knew of one that was on the way home, but I'd never actually been inside. I walked inside and suddenly my mother and myself feel as though we walked onto the set of a Cheech and chong movie. I got what I needed for about $5 (take that chain drug stores) and when we left, we smelled as though we'd just walked out of a bar.
I decided I wanted to get a hair cut before going out later to see some friends from high school at Ra. I walk into a salon and ask if the only person working that night could get me in. She could. Ten minutes later she calls me and asks what I want. She wasn't understanding me and was discouraging me from getting what I wanted. Although, my first red light should have been the fact that a salon was going to charge me $12 for a hair cut, I still failed to stop when she proceeded to tell me that I really don't want my hair the way I was describing. I decided to use my phone to find a picture of the hair cut I wanted. I found it and showed it to her and she looked at it and went ok with, but was kind of dismissive about it. As I was driving home, I realized that, in addition to not doing what asked, she left the side of my head (toward the top a little longer than the hair above it. What the hell kind of bozo the clown cut is that?
bozo Pictures, Images and Photos
I also later note that the sides were bumpy. At one point I explained to her that normally I don't have to going into so much detail when Defons cuts my hair, but I also pay $35 (plus tip). The only comfort I take from this situation was that I had gas and when she was cutting my hair was the time it decided to start making it's exits. They were silent and dissipated quickly. Lucky for me, she was frosting someone's hair and the chemicals in the frosting mixture was overpowering my glade wisp scents.
Anyway, I get home and take a shower, Gary FINALLY picks me up and we go to Ra. On the way, I told him I did not want to go to a particular bar because I did not compose myself in a manner becoming of a lady the last time I was there.
Auntie Mame Pictures, Images and Photos
Anyway, we go to Big Bang and I impress my friends with my falsetto singing along to Bohemian Rhapsody. BTW, Sarah's husband is nasty and out of control when he's performing. SO MUCH FUN!
We leave Big Bang after not very long and decide to hit central Phoenix. Guess where we end up. That place where I didn't want to go. We weren't even ten feet in the bar when someone walks in and tells me, I'm glad you're still alive, I tried to help you, you wouldn't be helped.....etc. Gary then tells the guy that he should have called him. I instantly respond that he wasn't answering his phone. So much for trying to go unnoticed. I wasn't enjoying myself and luckily the music sucked, so we decided to go Denny's. Turns out we had more fun at the restaurants than at the bars.

Funny how things start to change when you get older.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Some of my LOLz

So I am addicted to Failblog.org and pundit kitchen.com.

They even let you make your own with pictures they post on their website.

Here are some of mine.

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

In honor of Ruben Grace

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

And my personal favorite

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

That's Alan Greenspan.....google it bitches.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I Love Joan Rivers

This weekend I was watching LOGO and a Joan Rivers Special is on. I lover watching Logo late at night because people actually curse. Anyway, audience members were able to ask questions and Joan would respond.
I just want to let you know that I have been a fan of Joan Rivers since I was a kid. I used to stay up and watch her late night show because I used to just love watching her. I also have to point out that I somehow make connections with older jewish women. They tend to be really smart-assed women with a great sense of humor and they really don't give a shit who gets pissed off about what they say. Anyway, one thing that really impressed me about this particular show was that she mentioned that one thing she always does is tell the truth. I really respect her for telling the truth because it can be very difficult for people to do.
In honor of Joan Rivers I'm going to be honest with you. I've had a drinking problem. I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic, but when I do drink I drink too much and in a few cases, this has gotten me in some trouble. In other cases (by the grace of God) I've narrowly stayed out of trouble. Last week I decided to ask for help from a few friends and was happy to see they were willing to be available for me to do things that don't involve going to a bar.

Thank you Joan Rivers, your honesty helped me.

PS-My first performance as a member of the Laveen Baptist Church Choir is this coming Sunday. I'm REALLY excited!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

People Are Stupid

I really get irritated with people who walk slow.

Apparently, so does this guy.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Flagstaff 10's

I was up very early in the morning to ride up to Flagstaff with Tony, Ling-Ling (Brian) and Kevin (token straight guy). We left Phoenix at about 4:40am. It was cold and windy in Flagstaff and I played the second half of the first game and all of the other two games. The first game sucked in the first half and it looked like I may have been in a fight with one of the guys on the other team. I don't know what it is, but I'm not sure if it suprises guys on other teams when they are ready for a fight and I jump right back in their face. I don't know if they think that because we're a gay team that we're going back off when they get pissed off. Now, I don't go looking for fights, but when you grow up ghetto, you NEVER show that you are afraid of someone else.
Anyway, we lost that game, but we did score.
The second game was against a team of firefighters from somewhere in Nevada. I wonder how it was they were even able to play in our division. They were really good. I guess I have to look on the bright side, that playing better teams makes you have to get better. We scored in this game too. This was when it started raining. By the end of the game, my shoes and socks were soaked. After the end of the game, my adrenaline level went way down and I was freezing, it was so called, my testicles ascended. I was REALLY cold. I endedup sitting in Tony's car until he came and got me to tell me it was time for the next game. I told him I didn't think I could play an other game, it was so cold. He offered to let me use an extra pair of socks he had (that were dry).
I only had time to change one sock when our coach said the game was about to start. That one dry sock made all the difference in the world. At one point, I prayed that it would get warmer, Dear Jesus, I can't do this, please make it warmer. Well, halfway through the game, it stopped raining and the clouds broke. So much better. We didn't win that last game either, but we did score. We didn't to all that great at this tournament, but we did a hell of a lot better than the last time we were there and that's what really mattered to me. It also mattered that Simon told me that when he put me on the field, it made an immediate difference.

It's nice to be appreciated.

Friday, October 3, 2008

People Are Stupid

On the way to work, I came to a normally low-traffic street. The street was backed up an entire block. As the traffic started moving, I saw that two people were having a conversation from their cars, in the middle of the street.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

People are Stupid

It annoys when I go to a food place to get something to eat and someone in front me waits until they get to the front of the line to read the menu. Usually it's a woman (call me sexist if you want, but this is observation).

Can't these people read the menu when they're staring off into space DOING NOTHING?

I Hope, I Hope, I Hope

This weekend is going to be NUTS-ASS KRAZY. Like that guy from South Side Posse who would stand outside of the school fence while I was at band practice and yell at us to shut the fuck up. I hope that provided you with the type crazy I'm aiming to convey.
So Friday, I hope to get some new lugs for my cleats because I hand't tightened them in three practices and they wore in such a way that when I tightened them, every footstep was just painful enough to make me want to wear my backs' cleats.

Aluminum lugs + Phoenix dirt = ow, ow, ow and bruises on the bottom of my feet. Yes, think about it.

That's really all I have planned. I wanted to take my neice to the artwalk, but since I have to leave early Saturday morning for Flagstaff, I'll probably sleep instead.
Saturday is the 10's Tournament in Flagstaff. We'll probably play three games, but since 10's games are only 20 minutes with a one minute break in between, it's still less than a full 15's match. Well, I'll be riding with Tony and Jay (and probably Brian) up and back that day. Sunday, church, then the Rainbows Festival for work and then choir practice Sunday night.
The only thing that kind of concerns me about Saturday is a tear in my hamstring. It feels like it's healed, but I'm still a little worried that it's been a little tight and may re-tear.
Anyway, I'll keep you posted on how we do.