Saturday, November 22, 2008

I can mark one off my life's to-do list

I had a wonderful time at the wedding last nigth, but I am very glad it's over. What was really funny was that I was the best man and managed some of the maid of honor duties. For example, the bride wanted me to help her put on her wedding gown, most to make sure her undergarments were set to make her look her best and to lace up the corset so she looked her best. It ended up taking nearly an hour to make sure the gown was sitting the right way and she was very happy to see her boobs were very prominently set. I think some members of her family didn't know what to think about the best man being there to help the bride into her gown. Anyway, she was very happy with how she looked and even I was impressed with my own handy work.
Well, we got to the church and people started to show up. Then I saw my mom and I was a little shocked. She went to have her hair done by someone who is very good at what he does, but the do she had was just not her. Something told me the wedding was going to be a little off. We got through the ceremony and then went to Scorpion Gulch at South Mountain to take some pictures. It was a REALLY cool setting for pictures. By the time were done with that I was REALLY hungry and we headed back to the hall for the reception.
About a half hour after getting to the reception, the bride found me and told me, "I need you to help me tie my dress up." Her dress had a train which could be tied up by a system of color coded strings and loops. We went to look for an empty room and were about to go into an electrical closet when I told her nobody would care if I went into the restroom to help her. So you have to picture the bride and the best man in the women's restroom of the wedding hall. The bride is holding the back part of her gown over her head and I'm matching the strings to the loops to strings so that the train part of her gown was tied up so it cascaded instead of flowing onto the ground.
The food was to be served from 5-7. I had two very strong margaritas by the time they served the food and was about to walk to the jack in box when I saw the food coming out. Finally! I'm glad I waited because the food was pretty good.
We did a lot of dancing but my shining moment was when I gave my toast to the bride and groom. Giving the best man's speech/toast was on my list of things to do before I die. Apparently, I gave a very good speech/toast because I received quite a bit of applause and a lot of compliments. Later my mother told about how quiet it became while I was speaking and a lot of my family told my mom what a great job they thought I did. I mostly mentioned how they have to be able to forgive each other to stay together, no matter how hard that may be and they both have to think of the other as the greatest person in the world.
At one point I started crashing and my aunts kept asking me to dance. I was starting to get REALLY crabby so I decided tohave a pepsi so that I'd come back. It worked and before I knew it, I was tearing up on the dance floor, again. BTW, I'd never heard of the Cupid Shuffle before last night.
Toward the end of the night, I'd noticed the bride was wandering between her very good friend and everyone else. I walked over and realized she was having some tequila (which she was drinking very slowly). I was surprised to see her drinking it because she's not much of a drinker. I then went to sit with some of my family on my mom's side, next to my older sister. She and I chatted for a while before everyone decided it was time to round people up and get out. I got up and was talking to my mom and then the bride walked up to me. I told her congratulations, again and she hugged me and was all happy about the wedding. I told her that I was suprised her gown held up for the entire day and her eyes got big and she said, "I KNOW." I am completely serious. Her dress did not move out of place the entire day and she was working it (dancing). I then realized she was hanging on to me and I asked her if she was drunk and she dropped her head on my shoulder for second and then started laughing this high pitched laugh. Then I started laughing at her because she was drunk and then she started laughing because I was laughing at her. People that were still there started gathering around her and it really because a scene, but in a good way. Like when everybody is kind talking about what they liked and what they were happy about, like the organist at the church (which impressed even me). The bride and my mom were laughing because her mom was upset that she as a little drunk, maybe even just tipsy. Then my brother (the groom) walked up and she held onto him and said that she was embarassed because her mother was upset about her being drunk. He told her, "You don't live here anymore." We all had a good laugh about that and then started moving outside.
My mom and I were really hungry and my dad had already left, so I was her ride home. I told my mom we would go to Jack in the Box first. After that, we went to my brother's house because he needed to get his car. He came to the door and I could him telling his new wife that myself and my mother had arrived. I hear scream (because she was glad we were there) and asked me to help her get the gown back off. I helped her out of it and I told her to start posing for my mom the way she was doing in the undergarments before the wedding (the undergarments were a corset and something that resembled a hoopskirt without the hoops.
I took my brother to get his car and then stopped at Jack in the Box for them on the way back to get my mom. Before my mother and I left, they wanted to open their gifts and the bride decided she'd had enough of being drunk and was greatful for her taco. I also un-did my mother's do. When I was done, it looked like her head was a grenade and someone had pulled the pin. By this time it was 2:20am and I figured my brother was very anxious to consumate his marriage so I encouraged my mother to get going.
I am very proud of my brother and I wish him the best and am feeling very elated to have been the best man at his wedding.

Friday, November 21, 2008

I am the Best Man

Last night was the rehearsal for at the church for my brother's wedding. That was loads of fun. On the other side, I had the chance to meet more of the bride's family. My younger sister didn't show up because she was getting her hair trimmed. I think my mom was trying to avoid it. One of my sisters has been married twice, but this is her son and I think she was stressing a little bit and I guess maybe she didn't know how to deal with it.
After the rehearsal, my brother and I went to dinner (just us two) and stuffed our faces, in lieu of going out and stuff (it just isn't his style). We had a good time and talked mostly about comedy and politics (because they are closely related). It as kind of cool because the two of us haven't really done much since he's been with this girlfriend, it's been impossible to get them apart for he last three years. We had man-time! He he.....
Anyway, he stayed over at our house and my mom starting bringing stuff out from her wedding to my stepdad (it'll be 21 years in December). One thing we really noticed was that only about a handful of people signed her guest book, which surpised me because there were a LOT of people at that wedding.
Today is the wedding and my brother will be a little less my brother (yes, even less so than when he started dating the bride). It's kind of strange because I'm the only single one left of all of my siblings. All of them have been with their current spouse/partner for at least a few years. I'm starting to feel like I would like someone to be with. I only worry that usually I start seeing someone and then I panic because I think I would rather be single. I'm making that the past. He does seem to be excited about gettig married, though.
About a year ago, I started to think it would be cool to be a best man in a wedding and here I am a year later. We already had the bachelor party and he had a great time. My little sister and her boyfriend even came along. Today, I give a toast, and I didn't write it down, but I have an outline of what I'll say. There will be a lot of partying it up tonight, because that's one thing us Mexicans to extremely well.
I hope to have some pictures up and I really hope the best for my brother and Edith.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Yesterday was the 10th day of my fast/cleanse. I'm still in a little bit of shock that I made it ten days without food, praise Jesus.

The total amount of weight lost as of this morning, when I woke up: 19 pounds!!!!!

I was hoping for 30, but expected at least 20. 19 is good enough for me! I started breaking yesterday at mid-day because I REALLY want to have the food of my people (mexican) tomorrow for lunch, so I am cramming a three day break into a day and a half. What can I say? I'm HUNGRY! Yesterday I started drinking orange joice with some maple syrup mixed in. It was so sweet that I had to dilute it 1:1 with water. Seriously, sweet drinks and foods are WAY too sweet for me now.

I do have to say that I am very proud of myself and I am glad Wayne talked me into doing it. It was worth all the laxative teas and shooting water out my butt after the salt was flushes, being deathly afraid to fart, the headaches, the toxic feeling and the cold symptoms on the last two days. I gained some calm and quite a bit of mental clarity. Best of all, my body has been detoxified!!!! WOO HOO!!!

I've decided I am going to go for that extra 20 pounds. My next goal is three pounds. I'm going to break it up into smaller, more attainable goals to reach the big picture. For now, I'd like to get down to 12% body fat. I'll decide from there how thin I want to be.

I also want to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who supported me through this and talked me out of eating and drinking and told me it was ok when I had that teensy tiny sip of champagne at Jodie's weeding.

You CAN do it, too.

I've also heard the cleanse is really good for addictions like drugs, smoking and drinking, so if you have any of those problems and would like to quit, do it! And hit me up for some encouragement.

Mmm....some mixed greens sure do sound tasty right now.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Cleanse Day Nine

Well, today went by much easier than I expected and I am very happy to be much closer to eating solid food again. I was feeling really toxic again today and my allergies were kicking my butt. I really didn't want to go to practice, but still went anyway. I figured they needed people to show up since there is a game on Saturday, even if I can't go. I am now starting to think I shouldn't have bothered.
Practice was going ok and I was feeling really run down but still gave it the effort. Until a particular player (who tends to do fucked up things to other players at practice pulled me and I landed on my knee. Now I understand that maybe he's trying to get us more prepared for playing, but I just felt it was completely unecessary. After that, my knee was pretty fucked up, but I still kept trying to go. Now my cleats have been poking through on my left shoe and it hurts like hell to run in them, even with Dr. Scholl's in there. Anyway, I ended up leaving because I thought my cleanse was slipping out. I got to the car to change my shoe and lifted my right foot to rest on my knee while I untied and took of my shoe. Damn, it hurt like hell when it touched my knee (the one I landed on). I just became very angry at that point and asked myself, "Why am I doing this?"

I didn't have an answer.

I guess my heart just isn't in it anymore.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Master Cleanse Day 8


I heard from people that by this point, they don't even think of food. Ever since I went to Jodie's wedding (which was freaking amazing,really, the most awesome wedding I've ever attended), I've been wanting to. Still I am excited that I've had the self-control not to eat since Sunday of last week. I can barely believe it myself, I even asked for prayer to get me through the next last three days of it. Wednesday will be my last day and I'm trying to decide if it's bittersweet or not. When I'm stuffing tacos into my face I'm sure that bitter part will be long gone.
Tomorrow I'm guessing will be the day when all the weird chain of caca comes out of me, that was the whole reason I was doing this. To get the stuff built up on my intestinal wall removed.
On the bright side, I've lost 13 pounds and my joints feel much better. I breathe much easier and I smell EVERYTHING!
I have been told that when you have craving for something while you're on the cleanse, it means your body is cleaning out the toxins was left behing by those things giving you the cravings. I guess my body is cleaning out food from my system.
Anyway, two days left!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Master Cleanse

If you didn't already know, Wayne (a co-worker and friend of mine) talked me into doing the master cleanse with him. The one where you drink a lemonade made with Maple Syrup, Lemon Juice and Cayenne Pepper. Before bed, you're advised to take senna leaf tea and in the morning a salt water flush (a liter of lukewarm water with a tablespoon of sea salt added).
I'm on day six. And you're right, the only thing I've ingested since Sunday night has been that lemonade and aside from what I listed above, a cup of mint tea (that was a serious treat).
If you're not familiar with Michael Losier, he wrote the book The Law of Attraction The Science of Getting More of What You Want and Less of What You Don't.
Anyway, we hung out with him on Wednesday and he's a pretty cool guy to hang around with. We talked about me being on the master cleanse and that he's also done it about three times. He told me a little about what I shoud expect and explained that he was impressed by the fact that I as able to sit with people who eating and not eat a thing, myself.
Anyway, I went his seminar at Celebrate Your Life, with was wonderful. The part that was not so wonderful was that day five must have been the day your body starts kicking out some REALLY nasty stuff. I as bloated, REALLY bloated. I've also noticed on day 2 or 3 that my sense of smell has been dramatically hightened. I've also noticed I'm coughing up a LOT of mucus.
Anyway, I was fairly ok in the morning, but in the after noon, the gas decided for me that it would be making it's exit. I somehow managed to keep myself from running out of the Sheraton screaming like a tranny banshee and finished listening to the seminar. Luckily the people in front of me made hasty exit. After they left, I got up to try to leave and as I was walking away I let a very silent and even more deadly one slip out. I smelled. BAD! Anyway, Eric wanted me to talk with some other people that our Law of Attraction group meets in Tempe, to get more people to show up. Well, while we were talking, an other one slipped. I smelled SO bad, it smelled as though someone took a nasty shit in the middle of the room. It was time for me to leave.
On the bright side, Thursday was the last day the salt water flush would burn on it's way out (also called a "hot stool"), I read that when this happens it's because your body is kicking out A LOT of toxins.
By the way, I'm down 13 pounds since Monday. At this point, I'm wondering if I can make 14 days. I'm told that is the duration of time it takes to get rid of irritable bowel syndrome.