Friday, January 2, 2009

Last year is over, this year is on!

It's funny how every year, at the beginning of the year, I can be so excited about what lies ahead in the new year. By March, I am so sad and disappointed with myself, I've just said "fuck it" by then. Right now, I won't say how many failures I've had last year, but I will point out some things I managed to survive.

1. Foreclosure. I've found that this was a pretty big deal. It sucks to lose something you spend years to acquire and to have to lose it Life goes on. I also have to mention how greatful I am to Rick Hagfeldt for letting me stay with him when I really felt I had no place to go (or places to go where I didn't want to stay, or didn't feel right staying there). If you read this Rick, thank you. I am very blessed to have a friend like you. I wish you the best with your new partner, he's hot.

2. Alcohol Abuse. Well, I still engage in too much drinking every now and then, but am now deciding that's not how I want to be known. I've also started taking precautions to be sure I'm not driving drunk. Also, I'm finding my friends have really stepped up when show that I'm taking steps myself. Thank you Anton, Tony, Rocky, Brenda, Eric, Orlando and my parents. Thank you for keeping me in touch with what I know I need to do. I needed to feel like a real shit for my behavior and I'm glad you all had to balls to tell me I needed to get my shit together.

3. Carjacking. Shit happens, but I'm glad Joseph was with me. If not, I would have frozen my ass off without my jacket you grabbed for me. Rather than complian, I'm grateful that I had something to steal, rather than be the person who did the stealing.

4. The Phoenix Storm Board of Directors. Dear Lord.....thank you for helping me get through this. There were times when I felt I stood alone, but I realized I was there to be a voice for the players and that's what I did. I may not be the most dependable person on the board (and thank God I only finished someone's term at Secretary), but I did my best considering the challenging year I was living. I'm still a member, but can now take an at-large member position (like I'd previously thought). Thank you Steve, for your confidence in me. I only wish I could have made you proud.

5. Getting There. About a year and a half ago, I started reading the Bible again. I'm about Five pages from having read it cover to cover. Like anything that sticks, changing myself has been a process that has taken time. I'm drinking less often than I used to and have start to remove things that I feel pollute the mind (or at least, mine). I'm very happy with the progress I've made and overjoyed at the support I've received from my friends. I'm very happy to have them and very loving family. Thank you all for helping me grow.

6. The Master Cleanse. Sweet Jesus, I think if you can help me get though this, you can get me through anything. Ten days without food. Only mint tea, Grade B Maple Syrup, Lemon Juice, Cayenne Pepper, Salt Water and Smooth Move Laxative Tea. I did and I felt I showed Jesus that I'm willing to do for him. It was a show of faith and cleared my mind. It's amazing at the freedom you can find when sex isn't a motivator.

7. A period of celibacy. I don't remember how long it was, but I committed to it. I think I went a month or something. NOw that I look back, I wish it were longer.

8 Turning 30. Yeah, so what. I turn 31 in 29 days. What's your point?

1 comment:

Xavierism said...

You're right...2009 is a new beginning. I hope that this will be your year of true Change! Wishin' you all the best.