You don't see this every day

This was the game winning score in a European soccer game. Pretty darn cool. I would make a football comparison, but you get a much larger window to hit in football.

Comfort

Things in my life have changed quite a bit this year. I guess I kind of knew it was coming, but didn't know exactly what it would be. Last Sunday, I found out that I'm going to have a part in my church's youth ministry. I've been wanting to do something for gay youth who need some guidance through their teenage years, it's a lot to figure out.
I went to my church's music group rehearsal last Tuesday and Pastor Charlotte starting teaching us two new songs. GOSPEL SONGS! Finally. I've been wanting to do that since.....well, for a long time.
I'm finding a lot of peace, as well as "comfort and joy." I feel as though my life is back on track. I'm not saying there isn't growth to be had, I'm just saying I'm finally on a bullet train to somewhere. It's good to know that I'm heading where I belong. Sometimes you just reach a level of joy that just makes you want to run out into the streets and tell everyone one about it. I guess now I understand why some people can't help but talk about Jesus. When you find that kind of joy and happiness, you just feel like you're just gonna BLOW UP if you don't share it. That's the great thing about being in a music group at my church. Not only do I get to share it, I get to sing about it!
I do want to make sure it's known that life isn't going to be perfect, going forward, but I am prepared for it. I know I don't get more than I can handle and everything will be for the good with it's over and done with.

Here's to life!

Here is the video I saw (Thanks Janelle Monae) that made me feel the need to post this blog:

Cee-Lo |MTV Music

Disappointment is good for you

Today, as I was working out at the gym, I was thinking about dating again (though, I don't think I'm ready to get into anything serious so why bother?). There are a couple of people who I'd been interested in seeing (on a romantic level). One of my issues that have prevented this in the past is my weight (and my appearance with this particular weight). Since that was the final piece of my getting my act together puzzle, I thought I may be getting to where I am definitely ready to start looking, again. I didn't want to be a broke boyfriend, so that's part of the reason I've kinda strayed from it.
I was feeling good because worked out with my friend Joseph (who used to be a personal trainer) and went hiking with him, yesterday. Today, I worked out with him again and did about a five mile run through a hilly part of tempe when it was 110 degrees out (well, I had to stop at certain points because I wanted to kill myself). When I finally get myself motived, I don't mess around. I like to defy fat people stereotypes.
Anyway, I was having a conversation with a friend on facebook when I remembered someone in whom I'd shown interest. I decided to look at said person's facebook page. And there it was, like a surprise you don't want. "In a relationship with......" I was so upset that I sent a message to said person, who didn't quite get what I meant, right away. I ended up spelling it out. I think he could tell from my tone that I was upset and told me to call him (which was really sweet if you think about it). I decided against doing that. After a little bit of think (seriously, like two minutes), I realized it's probably better that way. I have a lot of things in my past that I really am glad I don't have to share with him. My skanky past doesn't need to be revealed to him and I would really rather this particular person saw in me in a positive light. That and the fact that his ex-is a "friend" of mine. Dating him would look really bad. I ended up telling him that I was glad he found someone who makes him happy and left it at that.
Anyway, even though I was disappointed, I got over it pretty quickly. I guess that's the great thing about faith, you give it to God and forget about it. Maybe it's a sign that now is not the time, maybe something better will come along. Maybe I need to stay single (indefinitely?). I don't know what's ahead, but things are looking up so I'm going to stay motivated to work out and lose this 55 pounds I'd like to see go the way of popped collars.

I should be doing this more often.

It just occurred to me, as I sat down to write this, that when I do my blog I found motivation to exercise. What do I talk about so much? Being fat and how much I'd rather be in shape. I guess sitting down to write about it makes me face it instead of just bitching about it. I have to deal with it. I have to notice what is bothering me acknowledge that it's not going to fix itself.

Enough about that.

Life is improving. Realizing that my creditors aren't as patient I would like them to be, I'm thinking bankruptcy. I really didn't want to do it because I wanted to honor my obligations, but my creditors aren't that patient. The difficult thing about that, is I have to wait until I can afford lawyer to tell my creditors I can't afford to pay them. If you know a good bankruptcy attorney who is fairly reasonable, let me know.

What else, I'm hanging out with Leslie quite a bit. I guess it just isn't coincidence that she has a friend who lives a block from where I work. I guess she's someone who is meant to be a part of my life. I stay out of trouble around her. She's awesome too. I'm very grateful to have her as friend. I can be very candid with her. I'm also glad to know her business partner, Rhonda, because she's also become a good friend. I feel like they're two guy friends I can trust with a lot stuff.

I'm very happy to be surrounded by them and have a feeling I'll be around them quite a bit, going forward.

M.I.A. on Real Time with Bill Maher

If you know me, you know that I REALLY like M.I.A. and when I found out she was going to be on Real Time with Bill Maher, I knew I'd find it somewhere on the internet. I did! It was on last night (I don't have HBO), so I had to do a search for it.

She did really well, speaking about the the minority group, the Tamil people, in Sri Lanka. She tell about her experiences attempting to leave the country and things the American pubic wouldn't hav known about otherwise. Many people think about countries like Somalia and Israel when they think about situations like this, but hopefully her appearance on the show will bring more attention to Sri Lanka. Maybe even get other countries to hold Sri Lanka responsible for its appressive treatment of the Tamil.

Things have changed

The reason you haven't heard much from me is, I have made some changes in my life that have had some major effects.

I've stopped drinking. I'm not sure how permanent it will be, but I'm only concerned with now and will count on Jesus to let me know if the time to have one ever comes. If not, that's his will and I'll do my best to stay in line with it.
I can't say that I miss, it's saved me a decent amount of money. It's also saved me a fair amount of embarrassment and I think people are taking me a little more seriously. I was a little surprised to see that not everyone was as supportive as I'd expected, but to each their own.
I've started going to church again, regularly. I've even joined the music group, which I'm really excited about. I sang for the first time with the group this last Sunday. I only had one major mistake (I sang when I wasn't supposed to and all of us are mic'd). It's been a bit of a challenge because I'm used to learning from sheet music; here, I have to learn the music by listening and figure out my own part. The other challenge is that I've never sung bass before, which I will be singing once I figure out a bass part (for now, I'm singing the melody). I've also been informed that they may break into two groups. One is going to keep doing contemporary christian music, the other will do gospel music. I will DEFINITELY be a part of the one that does gospel music. I've been listening to a lot of Mahalia Jackson for inspiration. A little bit of the Caravans, too. I think this is where God wants me and he will make me successful if go where he wants me.
Also, the drummer in the church group told me she was going to give me the number for a guy that is forming an R&B/Funk group and he needed a vocalist, so she's giving me his number. I'm really excited about that. Lately, I've been wanting to be a part of a band, funny how I ended up back in music.
I'm also becoming a little more open to the idea of dating.
The really big event that has taken place in my life is that a very good friend of mine has been very supportive of me and has been wanting to hang out a lot. It's been saving us both a lot of money because we're not really going out. I know sometimes we get on each other's nerves, but we really love each other like family.

Things are well, and can only get better every day.

It's been a while

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I've had a lot of changes take place recently. Last week I was in jail for criminal speeding (no fun). I got through it, but there were times when I thought I was just going to lose it.

Things are changing very rapidly for me and I feel as thought the last three years have been very drastic changes at a rapid pace. I don't know how much longer these changes will continue to rain upon me, but I'm trying to just it go and know that what is happening is for the best and leaving it in God's hands.

TTYL